If you say wait...we will wait : reflections in waiting

If you say go...we will go. If you say wait...we will wait. If you say step out on the water and they say it can't be done, We will fix our eyes on you and we will come.

This is the chorus to a Vineyard song that I first heard when I was in college. It was refreshed in my mind two weeks ago when I sang it twice a day while working at Summer Games Camp, the summer camp that my (Bethany) mom has been running at least one week a summer for 17 years. Unfortunately, the song does not warn you that God can say "GO" but then say "Wait way longer than you expected BEFORE going." But this chorus reminds me that when it feels like an impossibility, it is THEN that we are to step out on the water with our eyes fixed on Jesus and come.

Many have asked and I suppose more have wondered how we are faring this time poignantly coined as...waiting. It is difficult. I can hardly believe we have lived over three months packing up a suitcase every seven days to move once more, not knowing the length of the next stay or necessarily knowing the destination. Probably not any Westerner's first choice for a lifestyle. And for us it has not been without its challenges. Without the generosity and unimaginable kindness and support of our parents we would not have made it this far and long.

However, the longer we live this way the more I am challenged by the very worship songs I sing. I find myself frustrated and even angry sometimes that God has not answered prayer. And then I remember walking down the aisle to the chorus:

"To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to. To you I sacrifice, these dreams that I hold onto. Your thoughts are higher than mine, your words are deeper than mine, your love is stronger than mine...this is no sacrifice. Here's my life."

I committed my life to God when I became a Christian and then in another way as I got married. I suppose when we give God everything, we cannot then question the way God chooses to direct us. Afterall, Job 42 reminds us of our place in the world and the truly limited understanding that we have:

Then Job replied to the Lord: "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." Job 42: 1-3

This time of waiting has brought to light that God wants more of me than I have been willing to give. Jesus is clear though that following Him is all or nothing (Luke 9:62). It is meaning the words that you sing in the presence of God. It is obeying the Word of God when you do not want to. It is realizing that following Christ is going to cost me not just something but it costs EVERYTHING.

Araunah said to David, "Let my lord the king take whatever pleases him and offer it up"... But the king replied to Araunah, "No I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." II Samuel 24:22,24b

My complete understanding of what it means that it costs me everything is greatly limited by my experience of never being without the things that I need. However, right now sacrificing something that is of great value to me means giving up my dreams and plans for the future and learning to accept the plans God has. I must learn to understand that God using my degree, talents, and skills in a way other than I planned is not a waste...but will ultimately bear greater fruit for the Kingdom of God than I could produce in my own power.